


Cleaning Products and Other Needed Items

by poisonousmelody



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: I really don't know how far this is gonna go lmao, M/M, Maid!Ray, so??, they makeout a bunch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-16 02:39:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3471299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisonousmelody/pseuds/poisonousmelody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Geoff thinks Ryan needs "help" keeping his house clean, Ryan says otherwise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Find Out More

**Author's Note:**

> Yo. I started writing this for Leo, but it all went downhill from there. As always, tell me what ya think. xx

“Goddamnit Geoff, I don’t need a fucking maid or whatever the hell you’re suggesting,” said Ryan glaring at the other.

Geoff sighed and said, “Look dickdouche, I’m suggesting you need a maid, I’m telling you. I know you don't need one for obvious reasons but you could use one for, y”know other things.” Ryan heard collective laughter from the others in the room and made a mental note to never ever invite Geoff over ever again, especially when booze were involved. He literally loved Geoff with all his heart, and loved everyone else in the office, but goddamn couldn’t they go five minutes without not-so-subtly bringing up the fact that Ryan hasn’t exactly had any type of physical contact in years.

Drunkenly rising Geoff muttered, “Look buddy, why don’t you take tomorrow off and do fucking whatever. Just take a day for you, yeah? Also, hire a fucking maid.” 

Rolling her eyes, Griffon grabbed Geoff’s arm and ushered him out the door, and waved. By the time they had finally reached their car, everyone else had left and said their goodbyes too. Now, Ryan stood alone in the empty apartment, and really thought about what Geoff said.

It’s not technically prostitution, right? He’s not explicitly paying whoever for sex, he’s paying them to clean his (already fucking spotless) apartment. He shuffled towards his bedroom, sat on his bed and slowly pulled out his laptop.

~~~~~~

Before Ryan realized it, it was 3am and he was mindlessly staring at a website that promised a “perky blonde in his area was dying to meet him”.   
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, despite what one would be lead to believe, it’s extremely difficult finding a maid service that doubles as a brothel. Actually, that part wasn’t too hard. The hard part was finding one that didn’t necessarily only have women. Apparently, it was more common to hire a woman to clean your house than a man, who could've guessed that?

Ryan let out a slow breath and continued to scroll down the page when something caught his eye. Actually is wasn’t something it was a someone.   
Smiling a little, Ryan clicked on the banner to “find out more”. The guy was incredibly attractive, with chocolate curls and tiny bit of scruff. But, fuck, he didn't look older than twenty two and maybe that was slightly turning Ryan on. The thought of someone younger than him squirming beneath his touch drove him wild; the very idea of someone begging him for more almost brought him to his knees.

He hurriedly typed the number into his phone, completely forgetting it was nearing 4am, and was slightly startled when a woman's voice came on the other end of the line.  
“Hey sugar,” the voice purred, “My names Barbra, what can I do for you?”

Slightly panicking, Ryan stuttered, “I uh, well, I wanted to, um, know about, ah, possibly maybe hiring someone?”

Barbra chuckled and said, “Look sweetheart, we don’t do business with anyone under eighteen, and by the way you sound you can’t be a day over sixteen.”

Frowning, Ryan stated, more firmly, “I already know who I want, and they better plan on being here tomorrow or I’ll come and get them myself.”

He could hear the smile in her voice when she replied, “That’s what I like to hear, now who did you have in mind?”

“Ray.”


	2. Goddamnit

“Shit, shit shit, I cannot believe I actually did that,” Ryan muttered to himself as he walked towards the coffee machine. Instead of actually turning the pot on, Ryan banged his head against the cabinet and chastised himself for being such a fucking idiot. He actually took Geoff’s advice and hired a fucking prostitute.   
Wait shit no, not a prostitute, he reminded himself. What did Barbra say they preferred being called? Helpers? Personal Workers? Ryan couldn't exactly remember but knew it was some stupid shit like that. 

A timid knock followed by a quiet sigh roused Ryan from his thoughts. Curiously, he made his way over to the front door and looked through the peephole.   
A guy, no younger than 23, wearing a purple hoodie, backpack, jeans and checkered sneakers was standing outside his door. The man was constantly looking behind him, as if he was scared someone was going to be alerted to his presence and ask him what the hell he was doing. 

“Fucking hell,” the guy whispered leaning against the wall next to Ryan’s door, “I knew this was bullshit, I fucking knew and I came anyways. This is literally the last time I let that woman convince me to do anything.”

A puzzled look crossed Ryan’s face, and he checked his watch. 

“Oh fuck,” he muttered under his breath, and a sudden realization hit him; it was ten o'clock, and Ray, the prostitute but not really a prostitute guy, was supposed to be here.  
Fuck okay, Ryan thought to himself, act cool. Be cool. You’re as cool as ice, cooler than a cucumber. He reached for the door handle, and slowly pulling back the door, he came face to face with someone who was possibly the most beautiful man he’s ever seen.

“Shit dude, hey I’m Ray,” The guy said, slightly frowning. “You probably already knew that though,” he whispered and effortlessly slid past Ryan into the apartment.

Looking around, the younger man asked, “So, Barb told me you’re a first time customer, but I assume you’ve read through the website yeah? I don’t need to clarify anything?”

Slightly panicking, Ryan, still trying to be cool as ice, said, “Yeah yeah, It’s good no further explanation needed. I’m Ryan by the way,” he said giving a slight wave. “Can I, uh, get you anything…?”

“Oh dude a redbull would be sweet as hell, but whatevers fine,” Ray said smiling.

“RIght, okay I’ll uh, be right back, you can do uh, whatever I guess?” Ryan turned his back on the other and headed towards the kitchen.

Ryan grabbed two cans from the fridge and stood there a minute trying to prepare himself for what lay ahead. Cans in hand, Ryan walked towards the living room and nearly dropped dead at the sight before him.

Ray was stretched out across the couch, wearing what was possibly the smallest french maid outfit on the planet. When he noticed Ryan had entered the room, all Ray did was bite his lip and beckon Ryan forward.

 

Mouth slightly agape, Ryan inched his way towards Ray and gently sat on the couch. Trying to hide the smile that was creeping on his face, he cleared his throat and turned to face the other man."

“That’s a uh, nifty outfit you got there. Seems pretty accurate,” Ryan said with a slight nod of his head.

Ray let out a slight chuckle and suddenly rose from the couch; without uttering a single word, he sat in the older man’s lap and hooked his arms around Ryan’s neck.

As Ray leaned further into him, Ryan noticed for the first time how captivating Ray’s eyes were. The deep chocolate color almost mimicked his hair, and Ryan realized that he could probably get lost in them at any given time. Ray sighed as his forehead rested against Ryan’s, placing his arms around Ray’s waist, Ryan seized the moment and caught the younger man’s lips with his own.

It was surprising how well they worked together, how Ray’s smooth, soft lips matched up perfectly with Ryan’s chapped ones, how both their hearts felt like they were going to burst out of their chests, and how they seemed to fit together like two puzzle pieces. 

Ryan became aware of how the younger man was pressing up against him, and how it seemed that their kiss increased in both hunger and depth. As if he came to this realization too, Ray pulled away and gave the other a shy smile. Ray leaned into Ryan once more and caught the older man’s lip’s with his own.

Smiling into the kiss, Ryan let his hands trail up Ray’s body and get caught in his hair. The need between the two was unbearable, but at the same time the kiss remained sweet.  
Letting out a small sigh, Ray, once more, pulled away from the other and untangled his arms from around Ryan’s neck. Ryan gave a small pout at this, which only made Ray’s smile grow wider.

Rising from Ryan’s lap, Ray said, “Now, before this escalates into anything else, I’ve got a few things to do around here.” He gestured to the apartment around him and grabbed his bag. He headed towards the kitchen, leaving Ryan on his own.

Still unable to believe what had happened to him, Ryan decided he’d just take a nap. Ray was just gonna clean stuff, right? The website said they actually did clean shit, so he’d be fine. Smiling Ryan stretched out on his couch, and desperately tried to catch up on sleep.


	3. Sliced Bread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this ones kinda short, I wanted to keep everything halfway organized and what I have planned doesn't fit so y'know. Anyways, let me know what ya think. Much love. xx

Ryan awoke to what he believed to be the most beautiful sight in the world. Ray was bent over mere feet from him, straightening the books on the shelves. Ryan just laid there and appreciated Ray’s magnificent ass. The way it seemed to curve seamlessly into his slender legs, how it appeared to be the pinnacle of God’s creation, and how it really just fit Ray. Since Ray was so smaller than the other man, it only seemed fit that he’d have a small, perky ass.

As if he felt Ryan admiring him, Ray turned around, made eye contact with him, and strutted out of the room. That’s right, the fucker didn’t even walk. He had the most confident stride Ryan had ever seen, and Ryan would be lying if he said that didn’t turn him on a little.

Curious as to why the younger man had left, Ryan got up and followed the path that Ray had just taken. He ended up in the kitchen and was surprised at what await for him there. The entire room was fucking spotless. Eyes wide in disbelief, Ryan strode around the kitchen to further investigate Ray’s handiwork. The counters had been scrubbed clean, the dishes done, and both the fridge and cabinet had been reorganized.

“Y’know dude, you should really get more groceries. There’s no way someone your size could live off of frozen burritos and redbull.” Ryan turned to face Ray, who was leaning up against the wall next to the fridge.

“I’ll try not to take that as an insult,” muttered Ryan. He was still in slight disbelief that someone could clean and organize something so well. Granted yes, Ray was a “maid” but he wasn’t a maid. Ryan had been under the impression that Ray would’ve just straightened things up but hey, he wasn’t complaining.

“I don’t get why you people are always so surprised that we actually clean,” Ray commented, “It says so on the website, and this is the only way we don’t get caught.”

Ryan frowned remembering that yes, he had hired Ray for sex, but now (even as cliché as this sounds) it didn’t feel right. Not that he didn’t want to fuck Ray, because oh god he did, but he felt like that couldn’t just be it. Shaking off the feeling, Ryan searched for something to say, but struggled to come up with anything. Ray, thinking that maybe he said something wrong, walked up to Ryan and wrapped his arms around Ryan.

Slightly taken aback, Ryan hugged the man back. It was such a tender sign of affection, and it seemed like if they didnt hold onto it, it was going to disappear. Neither of them wanted to let go, and it felt as if they just stood in the kitchen wrapped up in one another for hours. Ray knew this wasn’t supposed to happen, once he realized this he broke the embrace and resumed his persona.

“So,” he purred, running a hand down Ryan’s chest, “Now that all the “official” business is done, what do you say to two friends having a little fun?”

Ryan grabbed Ray’s hand and raised it to his lips, gently kissing it. “I’d say that sounds like the best thing since sliced bread.”

At that comment, whatever atmosphere they had going completely evaporated.

Ray snorted and said, “‘Best thing since sliced bread?’ Who the hell says that anymore?” 

“Who doesn’t say it?” Ryan retorted.

“Anyone from this fuckin’ century,” replied Ray shaking his head, “Since you killed the mood, meet me in your room in say, five minutes?”

Ryan frowned, not seeing what exactly “ruined” the mood, but nonetheless he nodded in agreement.

“See you soon, Rye-Bread,” Ray said with a wink, and like that Ryan was left alone in the kitchen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand there it is. Next chapter is definitely going to contain sexual stuff, so if you're not into that don't read it and blah blah blah. xx


	4. Close But No Cigar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Salutations, hope everyone's having a good day. As always, tell me what ya think. Much love. xx

Ryan never thought he’d be scared to go in his own bedroom. Yet here he was, had trembling as he turned the knob. When he entered the room, a puzzled expression crossed Ryan’s face, Ray was nowhere to be seen.

“What the fuck,” he murmured, much less fearful to enter the room. 

Ray couldn’t be far, Ryan thought. Making his way through the room, Ryan noticed Ray’s outfit folded neatly on the edge of the bed. Again, a quizzical look crossed Ryan’s face, yet he pressed on.

When he made his way over to the closet, the door was shut but the light was on. As Ryan reached for the knob, the door flung open and both men let out a yelp of surprise.  
Before Ryan could recover from the shock, Ray was all over him. Hands searching for the hem of his shirt, and lips attached to Ryan’s kissing him like the world was coming to an end. When Ray struggled to get Ryan’s shirt off, Ryan let out a small chuckle and detached himself from Ray long enough to remove the troublesome fabric.

Within seconds Ryan’s lips found Ray’s again. Ryan ran his lounge along the lad’s bottom lip and felt the other shutter at the contact. 

Ray was the first to break contact, he looked up at Ryan, and his doe eyes filled with lust and began unbuckling the older man’s jeans. Ryan got the hint and removed his jeans, so now he was standing clad only in boxers. 

Ryan looked at the beautiful man before him and allowed his eyes to trail down the younger’s body. It was only then he noticed that Ray was only wearing lace panties, obviously meant for a woman. Ryan would be lying if he said that didn’t drive him insane. It took every bit of his self-control to keep himself from ripping them off Ray and fucking him right there.

As if Ray knew exactly how much torture this was for Ryan, he slowly backed the other up until the back of his knees hit then bed and he fell backwards. Ryan felt slow, deliberate hands slide off his boxers, and let out a small moan when a slender hand grabbed his cock and slowly began pumping it.

Ray knew exactly what he was doing, and Ryan was an absolutely puddle in the sheets. As he continued to pump Ryan’s dick, Ray traced small butterfly kisses up his thighs. Without a moment’s hesitation, Ray gently took Ryan’s cock in his mouth, letting his hands stroke what couldn’t fit. Ray ran his tongue down the side of Ryan’s shaft, which earned a low groan from the other man.

Ryan threaded his hands through Ray’s hair, and arched his back when Ray’s hands began ghosting up his chest and let out a loud groan when they tweaked his nipples. Ryan could feel his orgasm building, and evidently Ray sensed it too because as quick as it had begun, Ray let go of Ryan’s dick and moved up on to the bed with him. Ryan sat up and both men looked at each other, and was seemed like a common understanding passed between them. 

Ryan gently pushed Ray down on to the bed, and began kissing up Ray’s torso, deliberately avoiding his cock. Once Ryan reached Ray’s neck, he began nipping and sucking, leaving tiny bruises all over the other, this coaxed a breathy moan form the other and Ryan smirked in satisfaction. While still nipping Ray’s neck, Ryan let his hand slowly trace down Ray’s torso, until it reached his dick. Ray started squirming under Ryan’s touch and Ryan’s smirk grew. He started to palm Ray through his panties, and his moans grew, which only encouraged Ryan.  
Taking his other hand, Ryan grabbed both of Ray’s wrists and pinned them above his head. Ryan gently tugged the band of Ray’s underwear down, doing it with slow deliberate movements just to fluster the other. After he had pulled his panties to one side, Ryan began pumping Ray’s dick while tracing kisses around his jaw. Ryan kept his pace slow and this made Ray squirm ever more, to stop the lad from moving, Ryan removed his hand from Ray’s wrists and firmly grasped the younger’s jaw.

“Now now, we don’t want you to get more than I’m willing to give so, stop. Moving,” said Ryan, the end of his sentence laced with venom. Just as Ray was about to retort back, they were interrupted. 

Of all fucking things, the doorbell rang. 

Both men ignored it, but whomever was at the door wasn’t going away. They continues rang and rang and rang the bell. Reluctantly, Ryan removed his hands and let out a sigh.

“I’ll be right back,” he said.

“I don’t mean to alarm you but, here’s a friendly reminder that you’re buckassnaked. And if that’s grandma at the door, she probably won’t appreciate the 360 view of your dick,” Ray said with a laugh.

Shaking his head Ryan pulled on his boxers and jeans, leaving Ray.

He quietly made his way to the door, silently cursing whoever was on the other side. When he opened the door, he cursed the other man out loud.

“Hey buddy,” Geoff said, his voice chipper than normal.

“Look this really isn’t an uh, good time,” Ryan said gesturing to his apartment.

“You don’t mean. Holy shit dude. You didn’t,” Geoff tried to nudge his way into the apartment, obviously looking for someone else.

“I took your fucking advice, and now take mine and get the hell out of here,” Ryan shot back.

Geoff just raised an eyebrow, and slowly backed away, even going as far as to walk backwards all the way to the elevator. 

Relieved that Ryan had gotten rid of the other man, he made his way back to the bedroom and was disappointed by what awaited him there.

Ray was nowhere to be see, his outfit was no longer on the edge of the bed, and there was no sign of him. Frowning, Ryan went to check the rest of the apartment and as soon as he reached the bathroom, out stepped Ray in the clothes he wore upon his arrival.

“Sorry about that,” Ryan chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

Ray just shrugged his shoulders and stepped closer to the other, slipping something in the band of Ryan’s jeans.

“S’cool,” he whispered, “I got to go anyways.” He gestured towards the clock, and walked around Ryan, and exited the apartment. 

Ryan just let out a long breath, and reached for the card that had been tucked into his jeans.

Really, it looked like your standard business card, it had the name of the company, website, phone, and (surprisingly) the fax number on one side. On the other side, however, it looked like Ray’s phone number had been written out in the shittiest handwriting ever.

He felt a small smile form on his lips and decided maybe he should listen to Geoff more often.


	5. Phone Batteries Really Aren't Reliable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long dudes, but hey I'm here now. (also sorry it's super short) xx

Three days had passed since Ray had come over to Ryan’s apartment. Three days and Ryan still hadn’t called the other back. He thought about it sure, thought about it just about every hour on the hour. He still didn’t do it though, he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. What would he say? “Hey man, I know we almost fucked a couple days ago, and I felt like there was some serious chemistry. Want to grab a drink?” No, that’s not how it worked. Or was it? What if Ray didn’t even drink? What if Ryan made an ass out of himself? What if Ray just laughed at him? Honestly, Ryan couldn’t handle all the possibilities his subconscious was throwing at him. Even now as he sat on his couch, both phone and Ray’s card in hand, he just couldn’t do it.

No. Fuck that, he decide. He was going to do it. He was going to force himself to do it, and if Ray juts laughed at him, so be it. Ryan let out a slow breath and cautiously typed in the digits struggling to read Ray’s hand writing. (Seriously was that a four or a six? What twenty-something year old writes like he’s still in pre-k?)

After he punched in the remaining numbers, Ryan’s finger hovered over the green button. There was no backing out so slightly grimacing, Ryan hit the button and awaited possible mortal humiliation.

The phone rang.  
And rang.  
And rang.  
And rang.  
By the fifth ring, Ryan was dejected and ready to give up when (finally) someone answered.

“Hello?” the voice asked tiredly. 

“Hi, uh, this is Ryan.” the ending of his sentence sounded more like a question, and Ryan knew this wasn’t going to end well.

Much to Ryan’s surprise, the voice on the other end immediately chirped up and replied, “Ryan! Dude, hey.”

In that moment, Ryan swore the grin on his faced rivaled the Joker’s.

“I know it’s been a while,” he began, “But, I mean, if you’re free anytime soon I was hoping that maybe, I could see you again?”

Ryan thought he heard a dejected sigh come from the other before he replied, but he wasn't sure. “Yeah, I’d like that but you have to make any appointments though the website. Or you could always call Barb again, since that went well.”

Ryan frowned slightly before replying, “No, I don’t want that.” 

At that statement Ray let out a breath and said, “Look, dude. I don’t care what you thought we had, if you're calling purely for sex please fuck directly off. I don’t do shit for free.”

Ryan’s eyes nearly doubled in size as he stuttered, “No dude, that’s not what I meant. If anyone would get anything free out of this, it’d be you. I want to go out with you. On an actual date.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Ryan replied. 

Before either could say anything further, the line went dead. In a mild panic, Ryan pulled the phone from his face and looked at the screen. Thank God he hadn’t been the one to hang up, he thought. There would've been no way he’d ever be able to get the courage to call Ray back if it had been his fault.

After a moment of relief, came another of panic.  
Ray had hung up.

Was something wrong? Did Ryan fuck up? Was he being robbed? Did he somehow break some unspoken rule and now God was punishing him? So many questions raced through his mind, and even though some were completely out of the park, he couldn’t help but worry.

His worry drove him to the unthinkable, he redialed Ray’s phone number and placed the phone by his ear. 

Immediately the phone went to voice mail, “Yo, leave a message and I probably won’t get back to you.”

Ryan smiled slightly at the snarky message but had another moment of panic. Why didn’t he answer? Before his brain could concoct any more scenarios, Ryan realized he was still on the phone and was leaving what would possibly be the world’s longest silent voicemail. Quickly, he tore the phone from his face and shut it off. Hoping that maybe some deity was on his side and it didn’t record.

Ryan stared at the device in his hand, and willed it to ring. When it actually did, Ryan almost literally shit his pants and rushed to answer.

“RAYHOLYSHITAREYOUOKAYAREYOUINDANGERDOYOUNEEDHELP?” he practically yelled.

“No?” the other questioned cautiously, confusion evident in his voice.

Ryan let out a loud sigh of relief as Ray continued, “My phone just died dude. Shit happens y’know.” 

Ryan felt like he was quite possibly the biggest idiot on the face of the planet. Of course his phone just died. He wasn’t getting murder. Nothing bad had happened. Ryan was just an idiot.

“Anyways,” Ray said, “You were saying something?”

“Yeah, I know it came off like I just want free sex, but I don’t. It’s quite the contrary, actually. I just want to take you somewhere.”

The other remained silent and Ryan started mentally cursing himself for being such a fuckin weirdo. 

“Actually, never mind, okay? Just forget it,” as he was about to hang up, Ray’s laugh stopped him.

“No dude, I’d love that. Pick me up sometime tomorrow afternoon?”

Ryan never thought he had smiled so big in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there's just gonna be one more chapter then, kaboom it'll be finished.


End file.
